Ken and Barbie Take on the New World Order

...or at least talk about it on the radio, to squeeze out an extra five minutes of fame.

Heidi Montag and husband Spencer Pratt have declared in an Alex Jones interview that they will not be implanted with microchips for any reason. No need, really. Their credit cards already have chips, and they're permanently fused to their skin.

Admittedly, I avoid reality TV, so most of the background information here comes from Al Roker's interview of Montag and Pratt on The Today Show. I've seen a lot of Jon Minus Kate because it's my stepdaughter's favourite show (and we had bets going on how long it would take Jon to have a nervous breakdown), but I've seen only one partial episode of The Hills, and I've missed the whole Heidi and Spencer Pratt (Speidi) phenomenon aside from what I could glean while standing in line at the grocery store. I'm still not shedding any tears over that - somehow I doubt that the Pratts will be developing into hardcore activists anytime soon. I've seen just enough clips of Pratt lecturing his competition on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here ("I'm too rich and I'm too famous to be here!") to know that he's not exactly made of the toughest stuff. Even offscreen, dude uses more hair product than I've ever seen in one place in my life. And Heidi burst into tears when someone removed the labels from her collection of shampoo bottles. Keep in mind that this was in the Costa Rican jungle.

It might seem strange that cosmetically-enhanced California reality show vets would jump on the anti-NWO bandwagon, but to me it makes a small bit of sense:

- While Montag and Pratt aren't stupid, they're young and their experience of the world is limited. Really limited. They probably don't realize yet that the Amero is impractical, mandatory microchip implantation is not imminent, and babies are not issued credit cards at birth.

- Montag is a self-described Republican who would have voted for McCain, if it hadn't been for that Louis Vuitton sale. She is also a "true disciple of Jesus" who wants to be just like Mother Theresa, only with a Playboy layout. Pratt is a born-again, recently baptised by Celebrity co-star and "xtreme sports minister" Stephen Baldwin. Gawd, if that's not trippy...

There has always been a strong conservative link to beauty pageants, plastic surgery, reality television, and other superficial industries. Girls brought up in these circles are generally persuaded to believe that their purpose in life is to marry well, look fabulous, vote straight-ticket Republican, and perhaps do some charity work. So it's no shock that Ms. Montag thinks she's a conservative. What is surprising is that she's jumping on the John Birch wagon, rather than waiting for the Miss California one to roll up (i.e., saying something like, "Even though my body is 20% artificial and I have a few sex tapes floating around, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and I think you might go to hell if you behave like I did two months ago. Don't have sex, kids. Ever.") Maybe the family-values thing is just getting old for California girls, and paranoia is the new chastity? Will we be seeing a wave of Kayleys and Paytons setting aside their makeup just long enough to rant politely about fiat currency, European banking dynasties, and the matrix system of control?

Oh gawd, no. Please.

Meanwhile...

Skipper Works for the New World Order

Miley Cyrus has thrown her support behind the Cyberbullying Act, anti-bullying legislation that would apply to schools and media outlets, among other things. Cyrus has spoken publicly about her own experience of being bullied by girls at school.

Jones objects to some of the broader language in the act, believing he could be arrested if something he says on-air hurts someone else's feelings. Whether he's right about this or is once again loosely interpreting a passage, I don't know; you can read the act for yourself. I just wanted to mention that Miley Cyrus's support of this act led to one of Jones' classic lines: "We don't think Hannah Montana herself is a bad person."

Heidi is concerned that she could be prosecuted for hurtful comments posted on her Twitter feed. Srsly.

Also, though Jones has griped about the tween subversiveness of Hannah Montana, he didn't mention that Stephen Baldwin has a Hannah Montana tattoo. His daughters are such big fans of the show that he wanted to be on it, and figured stamping the initials H.M. on his arm might help (it did).
Like her father, Miley is a church-going Christian. And like the girls in The Hills, she has of course been oversexualized like crazy at a young age.

Jones commented that if Miley is ever on his show, the CIA will probably put pressure on her dad to silence her. He's "mobbed-up with the government."

Whatever you think of Miley, though, her intentions in supporting the Cyberbullying Act are clearly good. And she's a smart, talented, together young woman. Let's just hope she doesn't branch out into paranoia.

The Question Is...

Just where did Hatt or Spiedi or whatever you want to call them obtain their info about the New World Order? Where did they hear about microchip implants, a conspiracy theory that has been drifting aimlessly through the conspiranoid/fundie ether for the past two decades? Though it's been around a long time, it doesn't typically penetrate mainstream conservative discourse (not that the Pratts necessarily have anything to do with discourse of any kind). It is a concern primarily of fringe conservatives and those who represent them, like Alex Jones.
It could have come from Baldwin, who hosts a conservative radio talk show with fundamentalist Kevin McCullough. McCullough is a little out there. He writes columns for World Net Daily, a dumping ground for vaguely religious conspiracy theories about the Amero and the New World Order as well as lots of fundie invective against the erosion of "traditional" values. In his efforts to "overturn liberalism" (as the title of his latest book puts it), he writes almost parodically skewed commentary.
Baldwin threatened to leave the U.S. if Obama was elected. He didn't, of course, because there are many more reality TV shows depending on him for their survival.

So, yeah, these are not the most rational guys around. I wouldn't be stunned if Pratt and Montag received their knowledge of the New World Order agenda from one or both of them, in part. But the couple told Jones that Heidi's manager gave them a copy of The Obama Deception, and that this facilitated their "awakening". Pratt claims they have watched nearly all of Jones' documentaries.
I just can't picture them listening to Alex Jones or Jack Blood on their iPods as they roast their skin on the beach and plan their next cosmetic procedures. But hey, creepier things have happened. Like I said, this could be the beginning of a new trend. Time will tell.

The most horrifying aspect of all of this is that Jones is delighted to have two young, hip, moderately interesting celebs on board because he hopes that Heidi will steer teenage girls away from drinking tapwater (fluoride causes brain damage and calcification of every major organ), being vaccinated, and taking birth control ("sterilizes" women).

I've never heard anyone say that some forms of birth control can render you infertile. That's probably because no form of birth control does that. Anyone who actually understands how and why birth control works knows better than this. There are side effects and risks, of course, but infertility is not one of them - and death from blood clots or other side effects is extremely rare.
While the intentions of pro-abstinence advocates are honorable, lying to our kids and stuffing them full of ridiculously dangerous misinformation isn't actually going to keep them healthy or safe. The fact that Jones apparently doesn't know the difference between infertility and sterility tells me he is far from well-informed on this issue. And Heidi Montag-Pratt isn't remotely qualified to dispense dietary and medical advice, even if it is just on Twitter: When not praying, displaying her junk, or watching Alex Jones docs, she's an event planner; she dropped out of L.A.'s Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising.

Instead of turning to reality TV starlets and radio talk show hosts, girls might be better off turning to, oh, I dunno, maybe doctors?

Jones wants to see a generation of young 'uns just like Speidi.

• They will reject the notion of global warming and turn their backs on the problem of carbon emissions, because that's just a NWO taxation-based scam - we can't actually damage our world in any way.
• They will be fearful of tapwater and rely on the water filtration system advertised on Jones' show for all their drinking water needs. They will refuse fluoride treatments at the dentist, if they even trust the medical establishment enough to go. Spencer says his father, a dentist, has always told him not to use fluoride toothpaste.
• They will refuse all vaccinations for themselves and their children. If this happens in significant numbers, we'll see the return of life-threatening preventable diseases that have been virtually eradicated in North America.
• Young women will promptly go off birth control pills, shots, and rings and rely exclusively on condoms and/or the rhythm method to prevent pregnancy. Heidi went off b.c. recently because it was "created by the government" and making her "really sick"; she learned that a co-creator called b.c. the worst thing he had ever created because it "morally corrupted" society, and she believes it devalues women, causes suicidal depression and cancer, and "sterilizes your body", among other things. Needless to say, Jones didn't correct her on any of these points - every single one of which are just wrong (aside from the moral corruption thing, which is a judgement call). Austrian-born chemist Carl Dejrassi did reportedly express regret about his role in the development of the pill, not because it devalued women by making them more sexually desirable and available, but because it reduced the population of Europe. He never said a thing about the moral consequences of the pill, and in reality he blames xenophobic European immigration policies rather than the pill for the decrease in Europe's population. Pills provide some protection against certain reproductive cancers. They cannot cause permanent infertility because that's not what they're designed to do. There is zero evidence that they contribute in any way to mood disorders; this is an un-sourced factoid spread by a handful of pro-abstinence advocates.
• Heidi also believes that the world is so underpopulated that each women must bear three children to "stabilize" the population. This is just plain wrong. And it also comes from an editorial by Dejrassi, published in Der Standard. He was referring only to Austrians. The more feasible alternative, he said, is to increase immigration to Europe. He pointed to the U.S. as the only major developed nation that has a growing population, thanks to its immigration policy. Specifically, he said California will continue to have a stable population for decades due to the influx of foreign students. Clearly, Heidi either didn't read the entire article, or was fed mangled information about it by a third party. Way to be more smarter. If this way of thinking becomes trendy, prepare for another baby boom.
• They will reject most modern medicine. They will not donate to cancer research, because that's just a scam (what a shame that many of the contestants on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! donated to cancer research orgs, including the Carol M. Baldwin Breast Cancer Research Fund).
• They will accept that most acts of terrorism, including 9/11, are false-flag operations. They will reject the notion that Middle Eastern radicals could possibly have any reason to be upset with the United States.
  
• They will anxiously stare up at contrails, praying they don't rain lethal poison on their neighborhoods.
• Like Heidi, they will live in dread of forced microchip implantation because microchips are the Mark of the Beast. She says if she accepts a chip it will make her a devil worshipper. She also says The Book of Revelations mentions one-world currency as a sign of the endtimes, which is just another reference to the Mark of the Beast.
  

In other words, Jones wants the youth of America to be sexually naive, tragically misinformed, fearful of any authority, and pretty freaking stupid. Is this really any better than The Hills?

The Wit and Wisdom of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt:

On Laguna Beach (season two):
Jen: You can't look for shoes.
Heidi: Yeah, they have to come to you.

From a TV Guide interview about Heidi's music:
Spencer: Relationship aside, like spirituality and, like, the bigger picture of Heidi saving the planet with her music, I just have to be part of that.

On The Hills (season four):
Spencer: We've been talking about this [moving in together] for over a month.
Heidi: Well, my answer is no.
Spencer: Sweet. My answer is get out of my car.

On The Alex Jones Show:
Spencer: We used to have a phenomenal relationship with the media. They've kind of turned on us now because they've created us into such a monstrous thing, monster in their opinion...They made us too big, they Obama-sized us. [he went on to say that the narrator of The Hills didn't like them and contributed to their bad press, just like "the government narrates the media"]

Heidi: They've done such a good job of making computers seem cool...we're incriminating ourselves by laziness...This chip is the end of humanity.
Jones: The really big stars, they're all awake to this.

Spencer (on Bohemian Grove's Cremation of Care ceremony): Anybody dressed in a cloak and around a fire, is not supposed to be who's running America.

Heidi (on the Cremation of Care): I saw that clip and I was praying to Jesus that it was not a real child they were mock-burning...