Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Weirdness Roundup

It wasn't easy to go back to listening to Alex Jones after he tried to pin the Holocaust Museum attack on the ADL, but I downed some Mylanta and braved his Sunday broadcast. The show must go on.

Here are a few "highlights" from Sunday's show and from last week's broadcasts:

- Finally!! After declaring at least half a dozen times that The Matrix is based on actual military documents, Jones mentioned his source of info: A 1958 Pentagon paper. He didn't give any other specifics, but he did say the paper involves microchips, which were brand-spanking-new at that time. While I still can't find this document, I did find a reference from another Pentagon paper released in the late '50s, which indicates the Pentagon might not have had the most realistic expectations when it came to computer tech. It envisioned a computerized "troop-carrying missile" that could "loop through outer space" and deliver an entire platoon of troops 500 miles behind enemy lines with pinpoint accuracy, all in the time it takes to deliver a pizza.
Somebody was smokin' the good stuff.

- Jones isn't particularly fond of Glenn Beck. Or gay men.
Jones had a hate-on for Glenn Beck even before Beck changed his mind about the FEMA concentration camps. I'm not sure why - they talk about the same stuff. Anyway, after Beck declared that James Von Brunn might have been a "hero" to the 9/11 Truth movement, Jones' bile reached whole new levels. In just two hours of his moneybomb broadcast, he referred to Beck as "maggot-infested rotten cheese", an "effeminate gremlin" who "goes to hundreds of bathhouses a day", a latent homosexual, and a CIA shill. He also said, "That little bastard is an antichrist" and "The spirit of 1776 will not be defeated by a fairy".

- "Bombardment!!" Jones claims that some schools are banning dodgeball and tag because eugenicists began planning our demise 80 years ago. They don't want our kids to be physically fit.
Explain for me, then, why the most heavily funded extracurricular activities in U.S. public schools are sports programs, why JFK introduced phys ed to public schools some 30 years after eugenicists supposedly decided to weaken the nation's children, and why the government spends millions per year on nutrition and fitness campaigns aimed at kids.
In reality, dodgeball and tag have been banned in a few schools because a handful of psycho gym teachers and junior-high hormone cases were getting overzealous. Kids were coming home looking like Rihanna after a date.
Besides, ducking and scurrying isn't exactly exercise. If it was, I'd give up my gym membership tomorrow and just ask friends to throw stuff at me.

- Jones is a big fan of Kurt Vonnegut.
At least that's what he said to a caller. But when the caller told him about an upcoming film adaptation of "Harrison Bergeron", he said, "I haven't read that book."

- Jones on David Carradine's ex-wife, who said he was into "dangerous" sexual practices: "Until I got older, I didn't realize the penchant a lot of women have for just making up wild stories."

- Jones on Child Protective Services: "There is nothing more dangerous than a truancy officer, or a CPS worker, or a foster parent. PERIOD."
And: "Most family judges are pedophiles." Half of all CPS caseworkers are also pedophiles. Jones has seen judges get looks of sadistic relish on their faces as parents cry, gnashing their teeth in malignant ecstasy. They are all demons. He saw one of the CPS "gremlins" in a Target parking lot once, and almost had heart palpitations from being so close to pure evil.
Jones implied that CPS corruption isn't due to some bad apples; social work itself is inherently flawed. It was invented by eugenicists and racists.

Jones and many other Texans are outraged by Senate Bill 1440. This bill actually protects parents accused of abusing their children, by giving judges the authority to hear from them before their children are questioned. Until now, Texas law has always let CPS get investigative orders without even notifying parents.
The problem lies with an amendment to the bill that allows CPS to transport a child for purposes of an investigation without a hearing or parental consent, if there's a "fair probability" of abuse. In plain English: CPS workers can remove a child from his home to be questioned if there are clear signs of abuse, and the removal requires only an affidavit. Prior to 1440, parents could refuse to release their children for questioning, and the matter would be turned over to police (who also couldn't remove children for questioning without parental notification).
To Jones, this means CPS can just swoop in and take your kids for absolutely no reason at all. It's illegal search and seizure at best, legal child abduction at worst.

For the record, I can understand the concerns about this issue. I don't like to see parental rights and Fourth Amendment rights undermined. However, the notion that this bill was designed solely to give pedophiles and child-sellers easier access to kids is ludicrous; I have no doubt it's a well-meaning effort to protect kids by making the tough tasks of social workers a bit easier. Whatever the level of CPS corruption in Texas, I see no reason to believe that "most" family court judges and half of all CPS caseworkers are pedophiles. Also, while there are certainly some bad foster parents out there, I question Jones' statement that most foster kids "live on antipsychotics and a sandwich or a hot dog per day while the foster parents go to Vegas."


Eugene said...

Wow, just... wow. I wonder if it physically hurts to be this paranoid and delusional?

As usual if Jones only had the foggiest idea of what eugenics was actually about he would know that actual eugenicists would be extremely pro sport and would want kids as fit and strong as possible. Sigh. Maybe in Jones-world tag and dodgeball are vital anti-NWO skills or something...

I'm interested in the troop carrying missile though. How big did they envision this missile for it to hold 500 men? Even 500 midget soldiers (and thats a movie I would watch!) would take up a LOT of space in a missile! Secondly how was it supposed to deliver the troops? Missiles aren't known for their graceful landings after all! Or was the idea that survival would be optional for the soldiers? Hmmm, maybe that was supposed to be a eugenics program too because any soldier that can survive being crammed into a rocket with 500 other men, getting shot into space and then crashing behind enemy lines at supersonic speed would scare Rambo!

TK said...

Jones' ugly was really on show this week. I think the thing with Glenn Beck is the similarity between them - Beck is as ugly as Jones in the stuff I've seen, but he's way more successful.

Maybe Jones has a little green eyed monster on his shoulder screaming crazy $!**t in his ear.

Maybe it's a gremlin.

tshsmom said...

Want me to throw some stuff at you? ;)

I agree with TK. The only difference I see between Jones and Beck is that Jones is a Truther.

SME said...

Eugene, I'm actually more curious about this outer space platoon missile paper than about the Matrix microchip-vat document now. They sound equally insane, if they actually exist.

That's a strange thing about Jones and "eugenics": He never points out what "the elite" are doing to protect themselves against extinction. To avoid all the depopulation deathtraps Jones describes, they would have to: avoid breathing fresh air too often (chemtrails), abstain from drinking tapwater, avoid MSG (causes obesity & autoimmune disorders), skip vaccination, stay away from GM foods and artificial sweeteners, and make sure their kids are enrolled in dodgeball-friendly schools.

I said the same thing about jealousy when Jones first start ripping into Beck; I think he doesn't like Beck stealing some of his thunder. And Beck's disdain for Truthers gives him a "legit" reason to disparage him. That's the only difference I can see, too. Oh, wait - when Beck says something stupid, his producers sometimes make him take it back. That's a big difference between Jones & Beck.

tshsmom said...

Yeah, but Beck wouldn't "take it back" on his own. He just does it to save his job.

I still wanna know if I can throw stuff at you. It would be a great stress reliever. mwahahaha

SME said...

True. If Beck was on his own like Jones, he'd be just as reckless.

No, you can't throw stuff at me, cuz dodging still isn't exercise. ;P

Rich Rostrom said...

A U.S. army platoon is 40 men, not 500.

40 infantrymen plus gear... During WW II, a C-46 Commando could carry 40 troops, or 10,000 lb of freight.

The Titan IIIC, which flew in 1965, could lift 28,900 lb to low earth orbit, and therefore could lift at least that much in a sub-orbital ballistic path trajectory.

So the idea of a rocket-borne commando platoon was not prima facie ridiculous.

(IIRC, the troop carrier would be braked to a soft landing by parachutes. Or it might have a limited glide capacity, like the Shuttle. there were IIRC different variations proposed.)

Eugene said...

Well considering the "what were they thinking?" prototypes that the army did actually build, the fact that the troop missile never got past the blueprint stage kinda tells you something about it...

SME said...

I think the "WTFiest" part of the idea was that a late '50s computer system could actually have fit into the space missile along with an entire platoon. But technically feasible or not, it wasn't all that practical - which is why they still haven't done it.

Those weapons are hilarious. Now I know where they got most of the ideas for Inspector Gadget.

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