Apocalypse Wut

or, How to Exploit Your Friends and Destroy People

"I've already been on MSNBC today, and I'm on a whole bunch of stuff coming up tonight. And obviously, we'll be able to inject infowars.com into the discussion when I'm on those broadcasts, and the people will come here and find the larger picture. It's kind of the red pill. Thanks to Charlie Sheen." - Alex Jones (Feb. 25/11 broadcast)

By now I'm sure you've all heard about (if not heard) Charlie Sheen's stream-of-unconsciousness rant on The Alex Jones Show, AKA "the rant that got Charlie Sheen fired". Sheen was supposed to be talking about 9/11, his 20 questions for Obama, etc. Instead, he talked for over half an hour about... Charlie Sheen. He dissed his enemies and critics, praised the "narly narlingtons" and "goddesses" who have stood by him, and bragged about his superstardom and talent. He read some of his baseball poetry, talked about watching Jaws on a yacht in the fourth dimension, and waxed ineloquent about Apocalypse Now. I can't even count the number of times he used the words "winning", "on fire", and "bring it".

When the rant began, I thought Sheen was on speed or coke. Then Jones went to great lengths to stress that Sheen is now totally clean. So then I thought maybe he just had a few too many energy drinks and was really hyper. As the "interview" went on, however, I finally realized that Sheen could be having a nervous breakdown or even a break with reality - and that Jones was basically exploiting a man who probably needs some help, rather than the fawning attention and acclaim Jones was throwing at him.

Inside jokes about being a "Vatican assassin warlock" aside, Sheen lavishly insulted his boss (Two and a Half Men writer/producer Chuck Lorre) and insisted on calling him Chaim Levine. That's not full-on anti-Semitism, but let's face it: It sounds like Sheen and Mel Gibson would get along just fine.
Sheen also referred repeatedly to violence against his enemies, joking (?) about decapitating Lorre in front of his children, "violently murdering" unnamed critics, and attacking people with "fire from above". Jones nervously nudged him to specify that he was talking about taking down his enemies "in the infowar", but Sheen stopped cooperating with him.

As for Sheen being clean, he says he cured himself of all addiction problems with his own mind. He had nothing but scorn for Alcoholics Anonymous, which he described as a cult made up of sissies, trolls, and losers. He said, "They have a 5% success rate. I have a 100% success rate."

"You sound like Thomas Jefferson," Jones told him.
"I'm not Thomas Jefferson," Sheen said, "Thomas Jefferson was a pussy."

So, now Charlie Sheen is out of a job (along with a lot of other people) and everyone thinks he's unhinged rather than just uninhibited. Great job, Mr. Jones.

I don't know what's wrong with Charlie Sheen and I don't know enough about the politics of network television to take a position on Chuck Lorre's "vanity cards", but I do know it's uncool to use your friend's nervous breakdown to promote your website, no matter how invaluable you think its content is.
Check out Jones' appearance on The View; Whoopi's reaction to him is classic.